New story idea!

I wanted to wait until today to scream about it when I wasn’t drunk on sleep, Haha. But a new Middle Grade idea hit me one day while revising. I’m not going to drop the while concept yet because, to be very honest, it’s still in it’s first stage.

But it has everything to do with brotherly love but this MAY change later on. This has be excited, though. I hope by the end of the month I’ve finished reviving my current WIP, I’ll can draft my story!

Can’t wait to start!

Ideas after 8

Or in my case ideas, at 3am where everyone is sound asleep and I’m forced to be alone with my thoughts. Usually, I’ll be at my computer all day, forgetting I have a life outside my little world and if I don’t take care of myself, I’ll starve (if my cats don’t harass me for scratches then I’d be a skeleton at my laptop).

I’ll dish out about 100 – 500 words per day, 700 on a good day, 1k on my best day every. But I tend to take it as slow as possible. I have an alarm on my phone every hour reminding to to get up, stretch and don’t forget I have a bathroom. I usually reserve the day time for small research and tackle the writing close to evening.

I would shut my laptop down after writing (or staring into the abyss) for an hour. I’d freshen myself up before I go to bed, do my reading ritualto read a chapter or two a night. Then I go to sleep.

… and then my brain wakes me up about quarter to 3am screaming ideas at me and before I can grab up my phone and jot it down… it’s like it never existed. And they’re good ones too. Ones that may have made my story stronger.

It sucks because all my best ideas are in those vivid dreams I can never remember.

Art

I’m thinking of uploading some art of my character here but I’m thinking of maybe when I’m published? I dunno. I’m pretty tight lipped with my WIP already… I still gotta think on that

But other than that, I’m also thinking of opening up commissions. Money is tight and I want to try and save some money up to pay to pay some bills, know what I mean?

But I gotta make an official post with prices. Keep a look out for it!

Making changes

This has been on my mind for a while now and it have everything to do with my revising of my book.

When making changes to my book, there are certain sacrifices I have to take in order to make it better. Those sacrifices often lead to me adding more and more text to me “deleted scenes” doc and it honestly kills me. But if I don’t delete it, my story won’t make as much sense as it did pre revision.

Certain scenes I just outright delete but others I actually save and see if it could work in another chapter or the future sequels.

Still it hurts. My WIP is my baby but I’ll do anything for it to be as perfect as it can be.

LIVING ON MY OWN

Since my hospitalization, I’ve been seriously thinking of seeing if I can survive on my own. I’m back and forth on it because when you’ve lived with a helicopter parent all your life, you begin to wonder about your future and if you’ll ever be prepared for it. I’ve spent every waking moment, feeling an insufferable amount of envy towards my friends and that it freedom.

It’s not the act of doing what one wants but they get to live their life how they choose. They don’t have their life built for them and expected to follow that path forever. They get to make mistakes, live with it and overcome. I make mistakes but when I do I’m punished for it. And it’s not healthy for me mentally. It’s come to a point that I’m so fearful of making mistakes that I don’t do anything at all.

I can’t function like a normal adult should.

I don’t even know basic life skills aside from cooking, shopping, and taking transportation. Anything else is off the table because it’s always been done for me. Most would love to have things done for them but at some point it gets overbearing and annoying. No matter how many times I’ve tried saying I wanted my independence or tried to do things on my own, it was always taken away from me. And that’s where the anxiety comes from – being unable to advocate for myself. Now that I am, I’m stuttering and flubbing my words like a fool.

I’ve been so used to being treated like I’m still a young teen, that when I’m given things to do that an adult should, it comes as a surprise. And to be honest, it’s just sad. And it makes me feel so ashamed that I spiral into a sadness that lasts for days…

Which is why I want to try living on my own. I still have time to get whatever I have left of my life together and prove to myself that I can live on my own and I will be okay on my own. This is… a journey to self discovery. So… my journal time may be very sporadic. But I will try to make updates as much as I can.

See you in the next post.

WRITER’S ANXIETY

I have it bad. In fact, I get so worried no one will like my writing, that some of them I’ve deleted long ago (and later regretted it) or i just don’t share my work. I’ve been getting a lot of rejections as of late and it’s been playing into my anxiety.

Half the time I want to give up but I don’t because I keep telling myself I will one day find an agent who will champion my work. But what if I don’t? It worries me that I will never get to publish the one story that’s been with me since childhood… ever.

I just hope I get to publish it one day. But next post I’m going to briefly go over a new WIP I got from a dream. Stay tuned!