I haven’t written anything in a while here. That’s because I was not only preparing for pitmad on Twitter but just taking it easy while dealing with my own mental health, as usual. Though it’s become much easier as I distract myself with the things I like.
They started to become almost like a coping method. Anyway, I pitched my story (having two versions) and I’m nervous, yet anxious about everything. I’ve finally stopped stalking my pitches after an hour lol because I was getting myself discouraged.
I’m gonna check back in the evening, hopefully I get some more hopefuls?
I’ve queried a few agents and I’ve been playing the waiting game. I’m a really patient person. I can wait out months for my favourite season of a show to come out or a preorder of a game… This is the same difference. But no matter how many times I whisper my little mantra to stay patient, I still stalk my Gmail inbox refreshing every couple seconds hoping I get an answer back soon.
I’m anticipated for any kind of answer be it yay or nay. One will make me scream to the heavens, the other will give me the strength to push on.
Still… How does one deal with patience… Hm.
I am used to giving compliments whenever I can overcome my anxiety. It comes much easier if I know you, of course. I see a girl in a nice dress, I want to tell her she looks good in it and I want to ask where she bought it. But I’m so anxious that I just walk right by and lost that chance. Or I’d see a guy with sick tattoos and I wanna tell him how awesome it looks. Again, I have so much difficulty.
But sometimes when I muster up the courage, I’ll compliment someone. Even if I’m babbling like an idiot and have a hard time getting the simplest of words out. I’m usually met with a simple thanks and I go my own way. I like making people feel good about themselves. Just complimenting a notable feature warms them up.
I always see that there is barely any positivity. Not that is isn’t any of it at all. It seems everyone is going through something and it’s become common for everyone to be miserable, including myself. So we all talk to our friends/family and vent. When they aren’t available we take to whatever social media platform we use and write our feeling there.
Sometimes we are faced with encouragement and validation, other times we are faced with negativity and get called an attention seeker.
Since I was young, I was interested in being in other worlds. I felt a special connection to anything supernatural revolving around worlds that are made up. Whether it was through my favourite game, book or show, I wanted to live there instead. While I do enjoy animations and books with alternate earth, I preferred being in worlds not my own (reality wise). This made it easier to further escape reality even if the stories, movies, shows, etc have similar historical events.
Every time I felt in a low mood, I’d pick up a book or a game and escape to that world for a while until I was better. Immersing myself like this caused me to develop a deep love for fantasy. It became a comfort thing that I ran to when I felt at my lowest point. And it’s not like there was never any access to it. I rewatched all my favourite movies, replayed my favourite games, picked up new ones, found new books.
So… I have been writing on and off for the past couple of days. Depression is not a good thing, especially when you’re alone. However, when I start surrounding myself with my characters, I begin to feel okay. I’m trying hard to get over it as best as I can. It’s a slow process… but writing has kind of help distract me from reality for a bit.
At this rate, I might feel better but it wouldn’t hurt to book another therapy session. Here’s to pulling through!