No one understands how giddy I feel right now! I am so close to the end of my revision. I can’t wait until I’m done so I can go over it and give it a good polishing.
I said it before but I am so proud how this revision turned out. I’m glad I asked for help with my query + synopsis or it would have remained the way it did.
There were a massive amount of changes done in the 6th draft from the 5th. And it’s a total different story down from the 1st! My main character is even a little different than how she started out, too. While in her current state she is back and forth with her options it’s reaching that peak where something is going to happen that will push her to look forward to her goal.
And there is a scene in the 6th draft that wasn’t even in the 5th and hopefully I can nail it to make it as memorable as I can. Oh man, this revision journey is coming to a close soon! I can taste it!
Since my hospitalization, I’ve been seriously thinking of seeing if I can survive on my own. I’m back and forth on it because when you’ve lived with a helicopter parent all your life, you begin to wonder about your future and if you’ll ever be prepared for it. I’ve spent every waking moment, feeling an insufferable amount of envy towards my friends and that it freedom.
It’s not the act of doing what one wants but they get to live their life how they choose. They don’t have their life built for them and expected to follow that path forever. They get to make mistakes, live with it and overcome. I make mistakes but when I do I’m punished for it. And it’s not healthy for me mentally. It’s come to a point that I’m so fearful of making mistakes that I don’t do anything at all.
I can’t function like a normal adult should.
I don’t even know basic life skills aside from cooking, shopping, and taking transportation. Anything else is off the table because it’s always been done for me. Most would love to have things done for them but at some point it gets overbearing and annoying. No matter how many times I’ve tried saying I wanted my independence or tried to do things on my own, it was always taken away from me. And that’s where the anxiety comes from – being unable to advocate for myself. Now that I am, I’m stuttering and flubbing my words like a fool.
I’ve been so used to being treated like I’m still a young teen, that when I’m given things to do that an adult should, it comes as a surprise. And to be honest, it’s just sad. And it makes me feel so ashamed that I spiral into a sadness that lasts for days…
Which is why I want to try living on my own. I still have time to get whatever I have left of my life together and prove to myself that I can live on my own and I will be okay on my own. This is… a journey to self discovery. So… my journal time may be very sporadic. But I will try to make updates as much as I can.
See you in the next post.