Ideas after 8

Or in my case ideas, at 3am where everyone is sound asleep and I’m forced to be alone with my thoughts. Usually, I’ll be at my computer all day, forgetting I have a life outside my little world and if I don’t take care of myself, I’ll starve (if my cats don’t harass me for scratches then I’d be a skeleton at my laptop).

I’ll dish out about 100 – 500 words per day, 700 on a good day, 1k on my best day every. But I tend to take it as slow as possible. I have an alarm on my phone every hour reminding to to get up, stretch and don’t forget I have a bathroom. I usually reserve the day time for small research and tackle the writing close to evening.

I would shut my laptop down after writing (or staring into the abyss) for an hour. I’d freshen myself up before I go to bed, do my reading ritualto read a chapter or two a night. Then I go to sleep.

… and then my brain wakes me up about quarter to 3am screaming ideas at me and before I can grab up my phone and jot it down… it’s like it never existed. And they’re good ones too. Ones that may have made my story stronger.

It sucks because all my best ideas are in those vivid dreams I can never remember.

Making changes

This has been on my mind for a while now and it have everything to do with my revising of my book.

When making changes to my book, there are certain sacrifices I have to take in order to make it better. Those sacrifices often lead to me adding more and more text to me “deleted scenes” doc and it honestly kills me. But if I don’t delete it, my story won’t make as much sense as it did pre revision.

Certain scenes I just outright delete but others I actually save and see if it could work in another chapter or the future sequels.

Still it hurts. My WIP is my baby but I’ll do anything for it to be as perfect as it can be.

WRITER’S ANXIETY

I have it bad. In fact, I get so worried no one will like my writing, that some of them I’ve deleted long ago (and later regretted it) or i just don’t share my work. I’ve been getting a lot of rejections as of late and it’s been playing into my anxiety.

Half the time I want to give up but I don’t because I keep telling myself I will one day find an agent who will champion my work. But what if I don’t? It worries me that I will never get to publish the one story that’s been with me since childhood… ever.

I just hope I get to publish it one day. But next post I’m going to briefly go over a new WIP I got from a dream. Stay tuned!

I’M NOT FOND OF REVISIONS.

You read the title right. Now, before you raise your pitchfork, come with me on my personal journey for a second. Meaning: hear me out before you convict me!

When it comes to revising, it’s the most tedious part of writing. But just because I’m not fond of it, doesn’t mean I’m not open to the idea. I mean, doing revisions for my own purpose is taxing.

This is when I’ll go into procrastination mode. It’s one of the reasons I took so long on writing my first novel. I’ll admit, I’m a lazy and creative genius. And I’ve been told that many times. I’ll put in all the effort I can…. when I can. When it came to my first draft, it was a little easy because I knew what to expand on. At that time I had a word goal of 100k to get to and I was no where near that.

By the write the second draft was written I was over 100k and now it was time for me to revise again but i took another year off. It was now 2016 and my story was still fresh but then I stopped. I’d picked up another standalone book with series potential (but that one is a secret for now because that needs A LOT of revising).

2017 was the year I did absolutely no writing. That year was to actually tackle retro games I never got to play as a kid / adolescent and it worked out pretty great. I completed Final Fantasy 8, replayed a game I grew up with and… still never beat it, haha. But as soon as 2018 crawled, I began reading again.

I never knew why I stopped reading but all I knew was that I pushed myself to read books and I finished a total of three books. Quite small, but it’s a good start. And that allowed me to revise my third draft earlier this year. And let me tell you that was my personal hell.

I was battling whether is should be in first or third person, past or present tense, whether I should keep all my characters alive. I did extensive research and kill your darlings is one of my favorites because I did that unintentionally. Some of the characters I had in my book I had to straight. up. delete. And that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But by May I had everything figured out. Hell, I even ripped out chunks of my writing and rewrote again. But this time I took away over 80k and left with dust!! I was frustrated with myself! I took one month off… June was my relaxation month.

Well, I thought I’d relax. It was more of a get them ideas when you’re not busy kinda month, you know? Anyway, nearing the end I took up my manuscript, brought my weapons to the battlefield and got cracking. There wasn’t a day I didn’t rest. I forgot to eat so many times! I didn’t go out to have fun, or talk to my friends while I was in that writing period. It was my NaNoWriMo month and nothing would mess that up. When the end of the month came crawling into July, I finally finished the 4th revision. And I’m going into my fifth because of a very wonderful beta reader I have.

It’s honestly easier when I have someone being an extra pair if eyes. I don’t feel like I’m in hell anymore. But when I was alone, staying up until 6 in the morning to revise my own work? That was my personal hell. Again, I really hate revisions but I’m not opposed to it. Especially when it comes to beta readers, literary agents or editors. They’re helping me help myself. Will I ever go back down that road again?

Definitely. Because I have more stories up my sleeve.

WHY I LOVE FANTASY & MAGIC.

Since I was young, I was interested in being in other worlds. I felt a special connection to anything supernatural revolving around worlds that are made up. Whether it was through my favourite game, book or show, I wanted to live there instead. While I do enjoy animations and books with alternate earth, I preferred being in worlds not my own (reality wise). This made it easier to further escape reality even if the stories, movies, shows, etc have similar historical events.

Every time I felt in a low mood, I’d pick up a book or a game and escape to that world for a while until I was better. Immersing myself like this caused me to develop a deep love for fantasy. It became a comfort thing that I ran to when I felt at my lowest point. And it’s not like there was never any access to it. I rewatched all my favourite movies, replayed my favourite games, picked up new ones, found new books.

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