Since my hospitalization, I’ve been seriously thinking of seeing if I can survive on my own. I’m back and forth on it because when you’ve lived with a helicopter parent all your life, you begin to wonder about your future and if you’ll ever be prepared for it. I’ve spent every waking moment, feeling an insufferable amount of envy towards my friends and that it freedom.
It’s not the act of doing what one wants but they get to live their life how they choose. They don’t have their life built for them and expected to follow that path forever. They get to make mistakes, live with it and overcome. I make mistakes but when I do I’m punished for it. And it’s not healthy for me mentally. It’s come to a point that I’m so fearful of making mistakes that I don’t do anything at all.
I can’t function like a normal adult should.
I don’t even know basic life skills aside from cooking, shopping, and taking transportation. Anything else is off the table because it’s always been done for me. Most would love to have things done for them but at some point it gets overbearing and annoying. No matter how many times I’ve tried saying I wanted my independence or tried to do things on my own, it was always taken away from me. And that’s where the anxiety comes from – being unable to advocate for myself. Now that I am, I’m stuttering and flubbing my words like a fool.
I’ve been so used to being treated like I’m still a young teen, that when I’m given things to do that an adult should, it comes as a surprise. And to be honest, it’s just sad. And it makes me feel so ashamed that I spiral into a sadness that lasts for days…
Which is why I want to try living on my own. I still have time to get whatever I have left of my life together and prove to myself that I can live on my own and I will be okay on my own. This is… a journey to self discovery. So… my journal time may be very sporadic. But I will try to make updates as much as I can.
See you in the next post.
So I’m planning to join AMM (#AuthorMentorMatch) in case pitchwars doesn’t work out for me. I thought I was too late to join but I was reassured that I’m still just in time. Here’s an old photo of me that I use everywhere. Since it’s the currently the only one that’s good.
So here’s a little bit about me and my precious book. Thank you so much for reading and having and interest in me as a whole! ♡
My name is Kerrilyn Dasilva, I was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario. I started writing in the peak of middle school, having found a love for it. I was twelve years old when I started and it began with small amounts of poetry. But when I started my freshman year of high school, I began attempting my own full novels. Creating characters and worlds not my own are things I really enjoy. I’d rather talk about my fictional characters than myself since that’s way easier.
My first book has been with me through blood, sweat and tears. I started The Sealing Mark under a very different name with a different setting. As much as I don’t like revisions, I’ve gone to hell and back with rewriting and rehashing my story in 2015 officially starting to make giant changes. I’ve gone through character changes, plot changes, etc. Finally I completed it a few months ago this year. I’m proud of how far I’ve come with what I do as an aspiring author.
FUN FACTS ABOUT ME
- I love tea. Honestly, I would drink any kind of tea and I’m willing to try new ones.
- I tend to get addicted to new shows I end up enjoying a bit too much for my own good. Because getting me into new things, I won’t shut up about it!
- I’ve met a few voice actors in person. One which I met a few months back during the summer and one coaches me.
- I draw in my spare time. I’d upload a few examples but the computer I use to draw on died. However, I like ding aesthetic boards in my spare time.
ABOUT MY NOVEL
- Title: THE SEALING MARK
- Words: 87,000
- Status: completed
My novel is completed as a standalone but with series potential. In order to get a feel of what my novel is about think Disney’s HERCULES and A:TLA had a crossover but with original elements. TSM has a fairy tale like story and is about spiritual strength and growth, loss, betrayal, love, family and friendship.
Here are some aesthetic boards (for book 1):
and some related quotes from pinterest:
WHY I’D MAKE A GOOD MENTEE
Although I’m shy, I’m very friendly and warmhearted. I’m also cooperative and compliant to change and willing to work as a team with my potential mentor. I try my best to keep in as much contact as I can. As a perfectionist, I hope to get feedback to make my story as amazing as possible and I’m open to criticism. I am currently not in school nor do I have a job but I do volunteer during the weekends sometimes but I’m mostly available anytime necessary.
I have it bad. In fact, I get so worried no one will like my writing, that some of them I’ve deleted long ago (and later regretted it) or i just don’t share my work. I’ve been getting a lot of rejections as of late and it’s been playing into my anxiety.
Half the time I want to give up but I don’t because I keep telling myself I will one day find an agent who will champion my work. But what if I don’t? It worries me that I will never get to publish the one story that’s been with me since childhood… ever.
I just hope I get to publish it one day. But next post I’m going to briefly go over a new WIP I got from a dream. Stay tuned!
I haven’t written anything in a while here. That’s because I was not only preparing for pitmad on Twitter but just taking it easy while dealing with my own mental health, as usual. Though it’s become much easier as I distract myself with the things I like.
They started to become almost like a coping method. Anyway, I pitched my story (having two versions) and I’m nervous, yet anxious about everything. I’ve finally stopped stalking my pitches after an hour lol because I was getting myself discouraged.
I’m gonna check back in the evening, hopefully I get some more hopefuls?