I am used to giving compliments whenever I can overcome my anxiety. It comes much easier if I know you, of course. I see a girl in a nice dress, I want to tell her she looks good in it and I want to ask where she bought it. But I’m so anxious that I just walk right by and lost that chance. Or I’d see a guy with sick tattoos and I wanna tell him how awesome it looks. Again, I have so much difficulty.
But sometimes when I muster up the courage, I’ll compliment someone. Even if I’m babbling like an idiot and have a hard time getting the simplest of words out. I’m usually met with a simple thanks and I go my own way. I like making people feel good about themselves. Just complimenting a notable feature warms them up.
I always see that there is barely any positivity. Not that is isn’t any of it at all. It seems everyone is going through something and it’s become common for everyone to be miserable, including myself. So we all talk to our friends/family and vent. When they aren’t available we take to whatever social media platform we use and write our feeling there.
Sometimes we are faced with encouragement and validation, other times we are faced with negativity and get called an attention seeker.
Since I was young, I was interested in being in other worlds. I felt a special connection to anything supernatural revolving around worlds that are made up. Whether it was through my favourite game, book or show, I wanted to live there instead. While I do enjoy animations and books with alternate earth, I preferred being in worlds not my own (reality wise). This made it easier to further escape reality even if the stories, movies, shows, etc have similar historical events.
Every time I felt in a low mood, I’d pick up a book or a game and escape to that world for a while until I was better. Immersing myself like this caused me to develop a deep love for fantasy. It became a comfort thing that I ran to when I felt at my lowest point. And it’s not like there was never any access to it. I rewatched all my favourite movies, replayed my favourite games, picked up new ones, found new books.
So… I have been writing on and off for the past couple of days. Depression is not a good thing, especially when you’re alone. However, when I start surrounding myself with my characters, I begin to feel okay. I’m trying hard to get over it as best as I can. It’s a slow process… but writing has kind of help distract me from reality for a bit.
At this rate, I might feel better but it wouldn’t hurt to book another therapy session. Here’s to pulling through!
I don’t have to wait for NaNoWriMo to write my second book. I’ve been getting inspired by watching tv shows and reading—reading especially helps me a lot. Finding my voice was a little difficult but I’ve managed to step out of my comfort zone and let my characters lead.
Letting my characters lead is the best thing for me. If I hold their hand, they’d get nowhere, haha. Time for me to pick up where I left off.
Don’t you hate when you start writing and then you hit a stonewall? Sometimes I can’t seem to get around it. Then I go for days without writing and lose my streak. But this is usually when I try to drive the story and do things my way. In my last book, I shut my eyes, exhaled and said ‘F it, time to let the characters control the story then.’ and lo and behold, I finished my book in under two months. They took me to places I least expected.
I might as well keep it up for my second and third book.